Alas! There is hope for me…
Should have been a well-laid plan
I am being bitten by mosquitoes. Tonnes of them. There is a huge plague outside my house and these fragile windows are the only ones stopping the crusade of mozzies poking their stinging and itch-inducing needles into my skin.
Called her for the first time yesterday
Finally found the missing part of me
Felt so close, but you were far away
Left me without anything to say
(chorus):
Now I’m speechless, over the edge, I’m just breathless, I never thought that I’d catch this LOVE BUG, again
Hopeless, head over heels, In the moment, I’d never thought that I’d get hit by this LOVE BUG, again
I can’t get your smile out of my mind
Joe: (i can’t get you out of my mind)
I think about your eyes all the time
Your beautiful, but you don’t even try
Joe: (you don’t even, don’t even try)
Modesty is just so hard to find
(chorus)
Now I’m speechless, over the edge, I’m just breathless, I never thought that I’d catch this LOVE BUG,again
Hopeless, head over heels, In the moment, I’d never thought that I’d get hit by this LOVE BUG, again
Kissed her for the first time yesterday
Everything I wished that it would be
Suddenly, I forgot how to speak
Hopeless, Breathless, Baby can’t you..see
(Chorus)
Now I’m speechless, over the edge, I’m just breathless, I never thought that I’d catch this LOVE BUG,again
Now I’m hopeless, head over heels, In the moment, I’d never thought that I’d get hit by this LOVE BUG, again!!
ohhhhh LOVE BUG, AGAIN!
It’s not what you think. No…No…no…like seriously, no…
M is all I think about. Ok that’s a lie, somehow I conjured it up and I am calling my own bluff. I do care about M and I do want to be around him but I don’t know if I should or if I even can. With everything that is going on around me and all the things on my list of ‘things to do’, I keep having to remind myself that this is something I really should not be getting myself into right now. There is this part that holds me back. I keep reminding myself of things (really stupid things) like how I am not good-looking enough to be around him, I do not wear designer labels like he does, I do not get special invites to closed door events, I do not have friends living in huge mansions along Bukit Timah Rd who would open their doors to me on Christmas Eve. I just do not have so many of these things. But there is also this other part of me that insists strongly that I should give this a try. This can be something I enjoy. This could be an experience many have been dying to get. Hey, its M and its A!!! Gosh, seriously, many ppl would kill to be in either one’s position right now. So now that we’re here, why not right? F’s voice keeps ringing through my head like a nonsensical tape recorder you wish you had thrown out years ago. The deep sulky voice says to me that I should not let my family background hold me back for anything. The idea of “so what if they’re screwed up” seems pretty much appealing to me. But I make one full circle and ask myself, “Who am I to even consider giving it a shot?”
That’s really what it boils down to. Z feels undeserving of me. I feel undeserving of M. Everybody is undeserving of somebody else. Why can’t we just get ourselves together already? There are so many others out there who feel really deserving eventhough they really should think twice abt making that assumption. Some ppl really do not deserve each other….Lol
Oh, A pisses me off 2 nights ago. So, anyways, if somebody has been reading my entries, do let her know that her pleas and begs on her “hands and knees” will not do any good. My mind has been made up and I do not lick the spot I just spit on. So do not even bother, I am irrevocably inconsolable and this friendship has been irrevocable damaged. Yes, you read the previous line correctly. I have seen that blog and I am not affected.
So, M is an ass sometimes. A cute ass. The sex…its good! I have never had speed sex before but I tell ya honey, it was damn hot! I was so yearning for him that I took a cab down. When was the last time I actually took a cab? But it was so worth it. That ass, so delicious I wanna melt right into it…Damn! Hot!
But M has this look about him. He has this deep intense look that will never let anyone in. I want it to stay that way. I do not want to be that kid on Christmas morning tearing away at the gifts under the christmas tree. Let me be that boy who runs up to his bedroom holding on to that small little box with his name stuck on the wrapper, peeling the edges of the wrapper ever so gently to see what’s inside. Why? Because the wrapper is part of that gift. As much as everybody wants to know what the present is, the part where you unwrap can also be an enjoyment in itself. So let me do it my way, slow and easy and do not rush me. Do not spoil the moment because once you have unwrapped everything and you know what you have inside, the wrapper will be torn and chucked aside. So let us spare a moment for that wrapper which has kept the gift safe and pristine under the christmas tree.
