We can only close our eyes, take a step and hope to God that we get there
Dear Mr E,
I worry for you. I have been through something of a similar nature and based on that experience, I would declare that things do turn ugly. I think it is strange, twisted in so many different ways we can possibly comprehend. But its true, strange occurrences such as this do happen and we often enough stop and wonder why. We ask ourselves ” why? why of all things that could go wrong, why this? and why like this?”
I have told you before that my parents were not faithful when they were together. My father was often found to be astray (suspected heavily at least) and my mother definitely went off with some men (plural, fyi). I was in fact on one of her dates with one of those men. I didn’t know it back then, but as I grew older I realised what that was and I have confronted her about it. But till this date, she denies it. It is really sad that years of faithful marriage gets washed away so easily. They used to say this when people asked about their marriage, ” sudah rentak, tinggal belah” which means that the crack was already there to begin with, just needed to wait for everything to fall into pieces. It is a horrible feeling to see your parents go through that. Your mum must be devastated, but I’m glad she seeked refuge in telling you and your sis about the current situation. She might have made it on her own, but she would do so much better with two extra pairs of hands.
What do I think?
I’d say this is so wrong. So wrong and so unjust in so many ways. There are commitments, vows spoken or otherwise made between a couple when they decide to be together. Just like you and I, we do not need a marriage to bind us that way. Our vows and commitments to each other have already been set. By doing this, he has forsaken those vows. You are definitely right to say that he’s weak. This is no sign of strength of character. He has just made the woman who bear his children, whom he had spent many years of his life with, the same woman he goes to bed with at night; he made her go into despair. I thank God your mother is strong-willed enough to know that she has been wronged. I am grateful that she can see that this is not right and she doesnt have to take this lying down. I hope she fights for the sake of her dignity. Forget about the marriage, that’s not the point here. It’s her dignity and pride as a woman. She cannot have her husband taken away from her right from under her nose. It is inconsolable.
My intention here is not to give you a lecture on how things should be done or what is important and what is not. You know it all too well on your own. My point here is that as a son who is full-grown, should you get involved in these issues, you need to have a firm grip on your principles so as to guide you in making decisions and giving advice. It is not enough to say that this is incorrect, you must know why and believe why it’s wrong. I made a mistake once by thinking that my mother was doing the right thing. She did the most outrageous thing ever. She went out with her own sister’s husband. My aunt called me up at night to cry over the phone, asking me what to do. I was only 12 then.
It was a struggle. Decisions were made and words were said and these cannot be erased. I just hope that you find that spirit within you to help you sort out what is important enough to be said. I want you to be prepared for what’s coming. That’s why I kept asking questions and giving my opinions, in hope that I might mention something that hasn’t crossed your mind. Yes, I do care about you, and your mum is important to you, and I love you, so by default she matters to me too ( I wish there was some way I could tell her that in the future). If what ever I have said or done is still not enough, tell me what else I can do to help. Mr E, you are no longer alone to settle your own problems. Perhaps, in the past you were but not now. Now you have me and I want to be there for you. I would go as far as thinking out the possibilities for you just so that you do not have to fuss over them on your own.
Mr E, you are not alone, I have your back. You have done the same for me, and would do just as much whenever I need you. So open that big heart of your’s, let me in and we can work through this together.
I love you, always.
-A
